#20: Throat of Lucifer

Venom Prison, Cub Scout Bowling Pins, I Dont Know How But They Found Me, Doohickey Cubicle, Tigers on Opium, Hemordroid

The Running Behind, As Usual edition…

Venom Prison

Erstwhile A.V. Club editor-in-chief Josh Modell is the foremost enabler of the Band Name Bureau lifestyle, as he frequently sends me the press releases he receives as executive editor of The Talkhouse. He’ll usually preface them with some quip, like this one:

I like this name because it’s trying so hard to be tough and yet still seems so... wussy?

Like venom isn’t all that badass, plus it’s already taken on its own. And prison? Dumb. They should be called Poison Jail.

I searched, and “Poison Jail” appears to be available if Venom Prison has a change of heart. My googling also returned this headline that made me legitimately laugh out loud: “Ex-Poison the Well Bassist Sentenced to Prison for Fraudulent Light Bulb Scheme.” He got up to six years! A season of separation, indeed.

Being from the UK, Venom Prison has their own tea, but, like, satanic:

We have teamed up with our favourite tea company to present you with “Sadistic Rituals” - A STRAWBERRY WHITE TEA FROM HELL!

Inflame within the forces of fiery lust that is the gift of Satan.

It’s available via Pitch Black Tea, along with other blends like Blood of Satan, Antichrist Pumpkin Spiced, Throat of Lucifer, Satan’s Slumber, and, um, Vanilla Earl Grey.

Cub Scout Bowling Pins

Guided By Voices released three albums in 2020—someone please tell me the eight or so songs from them I should check out—so Robert Pollard is on some kind of manic songwriting binge that’s impressive even for him. To wit, he started this side project and released a six-song EP. Robert Pollard turns 64 this year. What have you done during the pandemic? (Scroll down for an answer.)

I Dont Know How But They Found Me

If your name is a Back to the Future reference, chances are I will get behind it. (Now someone just needs to form a band called Run For It, Marty! and do a split with these guys.) Wikipedia helpfully notes the Salt Lake City duo stylizes its name as iDKHOW, that the lack of apostrophe in “dont” is intentional (update: I can’t get behind that), and that Rock Sound magazine once described the group as “the hottest unsigned band in the world.” Maybe that’s how they can get away with charging $50 for sweatpants? Hey, before you cry foul, know that they lowered the price of their bomber jacket from $100 to $75, because we’re all going through tough times. These guys sound like the Killers meet Panic! at the Disco—which makes sense, as bassist/vocalist Dallon Weekes was in the latter—so they’ll probably get massively popular. I recommend just watching Back to the Future again.

Doohickey Cubicle

Some names are so asinine that whatever cleverness the band may otherwise exude is lost, because you’re too busy rolling your eyes. To wit: Doohickey Cubicle from Vancouver, a duo for people who wonder what Michael Showalter’s character in Wet Hot American Summer would look like in a band:

One of these guys has become a successful writer-director. I’m not sure which.

Coop 100 percent would’ve been in a band called Booty EP, which was the original moniker for Doohickey Cubicle. (Given the, um, looseness of those WHAS sequel series, I’m surprised he wasn’t.) The press release for Doohickey’s upcoming album Don’t Fix Anything ;)—yes, it has an emoticon in the title—notes the group didn’t take itself too seriously at first, as if that weren’t glaringly obvious. They don’t seem to take themselves too seriously now, either—which is good, because nothing would be worse than a bunch of pretentious assholes in a band called Doohickey Cubicle.

Tigers on Opium

The tigers are on opium, but this Portland quartet is on the pot. If their “WE.JAM.STONER.” motto didn’t make that clear, the sound of someone clearing a bong in the opening track of the new 503.420.6669.Vol One will. Still unsure? The second song on the album is called “Hash”:

Pass it like you know me
Breathe in, breathe in, breathe in
Chillin w no drama
Again, again, again
Lovin' marijuana

Track three is called “I May Sound Like a Drunk… But I Feel Like a Matador”:

Blanco or reposado shake it up and give me some more
I’m a toro and you’re my picador
Everybody everybody fucking around and I’m on a roll
Slamming shots on the table I’m on fire

You get the point.

Hemordroid

Not to be confused with “Hemmorroid [sic] Android” by A Nail Through the Urethra, which is also available on Bandcamp.

POST-SCRIPTS

• Answer: I’ve been taking care of my child, worrying about work, and trying to keep my shit together, thank you very much. But good job writing a zillion songs, Uncle Bob.

• Another song by A Nail Through the Urethra: “The Blind Child Playing a Razorblade Instead of a Harmonica While She is Begging for Food Keeps Smiling Over and Over Till Her Brain Falls Down Through Her Palate as a Result of a Bad Joke.” Evocative!

• PSA: The Decline of Western Civilization Part II: The Metal Years is streaming on Amazon Prime. You absolutely need to watch it if you haven’t seen it before. Penelope Spheeris spent some time in 1987-1988 filming the Sunset Strip hard-rock scene, and it’s everything you want it to be, including a few “Spinal Tap but real life” moments.

• After taking January off, the BNB bonus edition returns in mid-February. That was pre-planned, but the attempted violent overthrow of the U.S. government definitely didn’t help things.