#13: What ensued was total madness
#13: What ensued was total madness
Patrons of the Rotting Gate; FRACK!; Froogy’s Groovies; Love-sadKID; Grandpa Loves Rhinos; Why Bonnie; Finds Them and Thrills Them
What can be said after a week like the last one? Perhaps Clark Griswold put it best when he said, “Worse? How could things get any worse? Take a look around you, Ellen! We’re at the threshold of Hell!” Oh wait, the election is next month.
Patrons of the Rotting Gate
Judging by the breathless adulation of Bandcamp users, Patrons of the Rotting Gate are the greatest band in history, or at least the greatest “progressive black/death metal” band from Belfast. Same difference. “Beautiful yet absolutely decimating,” raves Dudeshoot Mankill. “Quite possibly the best musical output that this country has seen in a very long time,” adds grimgoat420. YomaBarr tops them both with, “I almost collapsed at ‘The Serpent’s Anthem,’ honest. This album hits me almost as hard as Shylmagoghnar’s Transience.” Wait as hard as Shylmagoghnar? Next YomaBarr’s gonna say it’s better than Panzerwar’s Lost in the Confines of Absolute Hatred, which we all know is ridiculous. The song titles on POTRG’s two albums are PG melodrama, such as “The River of Blood,” “Bleached Bones,” and “The Serpent’s Anthem”—just try to remain standing when you listen to that last one—but the band’s label has a great name: The Suburb of Solitude, which has to be lifted from a goth teen’s notebook of terrible poetry.
They call it a home
I call it a prison
They call them my family
I call them my jailers
They call this street a cul de sac
I call it a dead end
They call it a planned community
I call it a suburb of solitude
FRACK!
Back in BNB #2 as I was researching Middle-Aged Queers, I found a post for a past show with a band called FRACK! They were described as “lap steel sacto hardcore,” and I was immediately sold. Bizarre-ass punk has come from the Sacramento area for decades, memorably captured during the short run of the late, great Very Small Records and the misfit albums it released. One look at a 2017 live show confirmed FRACK! is keeping Sacto weird.
The band tries a little too hard with this description: “The Jesus Lizard attempts to resurrect Lemmy by having Henry Rollins finally beat the living hell out of Greg Ginn while NoMeansNo drinks beer and cheers.” That said, it’s pretty accurate.
Froogy’s Groovies
No.
Love-sadKID
See above.
Grandpa Loves Rhinos
Some press releases are journeys. Take the one for Idaho’s Grandpa Loves Rhinos on Indie Vision Music. It starts as expected: headline, label logo, and band photo. The image isn’t surprising for a band with this name.
No, that isn’t Jeff Pezzati on the right.
Then the album title comes: Searching in the Sarchasm (“spelled like that on purpose,” notes the press release for denser recipients). Yup, okay, sure. Then it links out to the song “Fostering Patience for Patients,” which, again, is the kind of wordplay you’d expect from a band called Grandpa Loves Rhinos who (purposely, I’m told) employ the portmanteau “sarchasm.” “Give this fun band with a unique name a listen and leave your troubles behind,” advises the press release. Okay, boom, let’s crank out a cheeky blurb about them and move onto the next one, because I’m running late with this thing.
Wait, what’s this? There’s a long (620 words!) explanation of “Fostering Patience for Patients” too? Okay, let’s give it a quick read just in case. It’s written by Seth Hyde, presumably a member of the band, because press release has no credits.
My wife and I did foster care for a year…and it messed us up. It started with excitement as a noble call from God to help the broken kids out there.
Hmm. These guys probably love Jesus. What’s Indie Vision Music, anyway? [Checks website.] “Established in 2000 with a focus on independent, faith based rock n’ roll.” There we go.
Despite all the training, our parenting and attempts at showing love, it felt like the kids pretty much rejected everything we had to offer. We invited hurt, depressed, abusive, and disruptive people into our home. What ensued was total madness. You are not responsible for all the sin that these kids inherited or went through but you get to deal with all the consequences.
Wait, what? And what the hell is inherited sin? Is that different from original sin? I don’t think we talked about that in my high school theology classes.
After getting ignored, spat in the face, punched, disrespected, our biological kids being hurt by the foster kids, you think things that make you realize ‘I’m no saint’.
Whoa.
The song describes our experience of foster care…trying to help someone who is seriously hurt (and fighting your help) with some inadequate methods because we thought we were awesome. In the end, we gave up. If only there was something bigger than us that won’t give up. Good news, there is.
Wow. What began with the usual “Here’s a band with a silly name” rigamarole ended with abuse, dysfunctional child-care systems, and a shoutout to God. Like I said, sometimes it’s a journey.
I had to go to the band’s Bandcamp to learn that Seth Hyde plays guitar, bass, and vocals in Grandpa Loves Rhinos, and his (twin?) brother, Paul, plays drums. Both of them are in the Air Force, but not just the Air Force. According to his LinkedIn page, Paul’s in the goddamn Space Force!
Maybe he wasn’t mentioned in the press release because his superior officers can’t know he plays emo pop punk. It’s a threat to national security.
Why Bonnie
About: “bedroom pop quintet that’s moved to the couch.” Checks out.
Finds Them and Thrills Them
A supergroup of performers with questionable names, Finds Them and Thrills Them features CHLLNGR, A.Dixen from AV AV AV, King Stunn Gunn, and Tyler Pope of LCD Soundsystem. “Wait, that last one’s fine,” you say. Ah, but Pope played in one of the OGs of questionable indie names, !!!, pronounced “chk-chk-chk”—who also happen to be weirdos from Sacramento. Anyway, Finds Them and Thrills Them released their debut EP, Disconnected, But Connected, in April, but it was supposed to about a year earlier. A pair of Facebook posts tells the sad tale. Start from the bottom.
Way to jinx things with that “Good times ahead” line, dudes. Phife Dawg put it best: “Stressed out more than anyone could ever be / Forever tryin’ to clear the samples for my new LP.” At least Lou Reed’s estate won’t take all of Find Them and Thrills Them’s money.
POST-SCRIPTS
Okay, fine. I like one of Froogy’s Groovies’ song titles: “You Only Text Me Poetry.”
“I used to write letters In eighth grade to all the girls I had crushes on, and signed them ‘love-sadKiD.’” To be fair, eighth grade was only like five years ago for Ben McGibboney, the teenager who goes by that stage name. God, if I named my project after something I thought of in eighth grade, it’d be even more awful. In eighth grade, I drew this combination peace sign and anarchy sign on my notebooks. “Peanarchy,” I called it. The worst.
Says Panzerwar: “This EP was conceptualized, written & recorded in a time of hatred, misanthropy & violence against my fellow human beings. May we all perish with haste.” But in the meantime… follow Panzerwar on Instagram!
Thumbs up for Why Bonnie and FRACK!
Bob Mould’s new album, Blue Hearts, came out September 25th. I wrote his bio for the album. It’s good! (The album, not my bio. I mean, that’s also fine, but what a weird flex that would be.)