#69: Alumni check-in II
Empire! Empire! (I Was A Lonely Estate); Don’t Flirt With Puppy Killers; Texas Chainstore Manager; He Whose Ox is Gored; Smelly Fucking Milkpants
It’s been a while—two and a half years, apparently—since we checked in with some Band Name Bureau and Year in Band Names alumni. This newsletter is already late, and I don’t have any other ideas, so let’s do it! 🙌
Empire! Empire! (I Was A Lonely Estate)
Michigander Keith Latinen chose this preposterous moniker—two exclamation points and a parenthetical, oy—for what he originally intended to be a solo project. Latinen’s elaborate explanation of his group’s name should tell you all you need to know about their sound:
As for the meaning behind the name, I’ve had a lifetime of bands not working out, and so I chose a name to reflect my frustration. I tend to hide lyrics and names behind a lot of dense symbolism, so here’s the general break-down of the name. “Empire! Empire!” is that one evasive dream that you want so badly, and you will always chase it, but it never seems quite in reach. The “(I Was a Lonely Estate)” portion was where I felt I was incomplete and insignificant. It’s hard to get off the ground if you can’t find reliable people to share your dream. The exclamation points mark how important the dream is, and the parenthesis signify that I feel like I am unimportant and unnoticed.
“Dense symbolism” is correct. If you didn’t guess “emo”* for EEIWALE, then these song titles will make it obvious: “I Was Somewhere Cold, Dark… and Lonely,” “It’s So Much Darker When a Light Goes Out Than It Would Have Been if It Had Never Shone,” “It Was Your Heart that Saved You,” “Girls Will Not Frighten the Frost from the Grave,” “It Happened Because You Left,” and a litany of other wordy, comically emo titles.
EEIWALE disbanded in 2016, and Latinen’s latest project is the much more succinctly named Mt. Oriander. Sample song title: “If Only Something Would Go Right for a Change.”
Don’t Flirt With Puppy Killers
It’s not just a band name, it’s my suggested sequel to Don’t Fuck with Cats. Proof of this group’s existence has been wiped from the internet, but the 2012 YIBN tells me it’s an Of Mice and Men reference.
Texas Chainstore Manager
An instant classic when it debuted in the 2016 Year in Band Names, Texas Chainstore Manager earned accolades from A.V. Club commenters for its simple genius. Since that was written, the phrase has reappeared as a song (by Dog Cult) and an album title (by the JD’s). Little remains of the Chicago group that claimed Texas Chainstore Manager besides a Bandcamp and some old Facebook pages for shows. One such event from 2015 describes the Texas Chainstore Manager as “heavy, semi-technical, ever grunge quartet,” which seems apt. Dig a little further, and you’ll find a Spotify user named Ben on the Drums, a.k.a. former TCM drummer Ben Ludwig. He’s uploaded some live stuff and all of the band’s unfinished original recordings. Why didn’t they finish them?What happened to Texas Chainstore Manager? Nothing gold can stay, etc. etc.
He Whose Ox is Gored
“Most of the time, people hear the name and think we’re a metal band. It’s definitely loud as shit, but we usually say it’s heavy. One of our friends coined the term ‘Doomgaze’ a while back. I like that one,” said guitarist Brian McClelland in a 2014 interview. Debating “heavy” vs. “metal” feels a little like splitting hairs, but we can definitely agree on the “loud as shit” part, judging by this live video.
McClelland doesn’t say much about the name’s origin—“The Wolfduggler brought us to it. He came to show us the way,” hmm—but in another interview he discussed its biblical vibe.
The name is old testament on purpose, but our philosophy is a little different. None of us are really ‘religious’ per se, but everyone definitely has their own ideas about spirituality. It seems silly in a modern age to believe in the lore side of religion, fairytales and all. Just be a good dude, you know?
Can’t argue with that. An old Seattle Weekly story notes the name comes from the Old Testament, and some digging brings up Exodus 21, which goes on and on about oxen. The gist: If your ox gores someone else’s ox, you sell the live one and split the proceeds. But if your ox habitually gored other animals and you did nothing about it, then you have to pay for the animal and keep the dead one. Who said the Bible isn’t relevant for today?!
It doesn’t look like He Whose Ox is Gored has performed in about five years, though two members are active in Filth is Eternal, formerly known as Fucked & Bound. Hmm, can’t seem to find references to that in Exodus…
Smelly Fucking Milkpants
In the early days of this, my life’s mission, I collected band names from the local editions of The A.V. Club. Back then, The Onion still had print editions in a bunch of cities with show listings in the back of the paper, and I edited them. Those listings were a goddamn treasure trove. While I can’t prove it, I’m positive that Smelly Fucking Milkpants came from the Chicago listings, because the only proof of the group’s existence are some photos on Flickr.
Who was Smelly Fucking Milkpants? How did they sound? What was up with that name? We’ll never know. And that’s awesome.
POST-SCRIPTS
Apologies for the delay on the February bonus edish (gross). I had some unexpected travel.
*PEDANT ALERT: EEIWALE’s sound was 100% second-wave emo. Latinen is clearly a fan of Mineral.
Those Smelly Fucking Milkpants pics were taken at Ronny’s, a shitball dive bar in Logan Square that I loved so much I had my 30th birthday there. My old band played, as did some friends, and the owner roasted a pig for us (inside, by the front door, which…what?). Man, I miss Chicago.